Air Travel Etiquette
DOs and DON'Ts of Airline Travel:
- DON'T: Do not attempt to get a rise out of the lady in the bus next to yours. This will only irritate the lady and make you grumpy. This will be the beginning of the end of a quiet, uneventful journey.
- DO: Do be sure to get a flight out of the town you are actually flying out of.
- DON'T: Do not wear metal when going through an airport security checkpoint. This includes steel toe XtraTuffs, pant zippers, and bellybutton piercings.
- DO: Do claim the accurate weight of your baggage. You do not want an Airline representative shaking her finger at you for over-limit baggage.
- DON'T: Do not reserve a flight on a 40 seater Dash-80 with 20 other cold water divers and photographers. The plane will not hold that much weight.
- DO: Do pick up your baggage at your local destination's baggage claim if that is where you checked your baggage into. If you checked your baggage into Vancouver, it will not magically end up in the international baggage claim.
- DON'T: Do not lose your paper ticket. It will not be replaced on the spot, even in this day and age of computerized everything. Do not argue the point with the airline representative on this. You can buy a new ticket with your old seat number. Do not question this logic either. If you persist, they will give your name a special mark in the computer. If you get a mark, you are marked for the life of the flight. You will be searched, double-searched, and searched again as you get on the plane.
- DO: Do believe the airline representative when they say some of the baggage was left behind in Prince Rupert due to weight limitations. Your baggage will magically be sent to you within the week.
- DON'T: Do not talk incessantly to strangers in line. They will tell you to be quiet.
- DO: Do be polite to airline representatives. With the assistance of the TSA, they can make your journey a living hell.
- DON'T: Do not fly on United out of Vancouver on a Saturday. This is when Cruise Ship Blue Hairs travel. They all travel on United.
- DO: Do be polite to the underpaid TSA customs agents. Be pleasant. Say yes sir, no sir. They have control over your life. Be humble. Remember, ticket agents may have placed a mark(s) next to your name.
- DON'T: Do not look them in the eye. Do not back talk them. Do not question their authority. Do not bring Cotol-240 accelerant in your carry-on. Do not argue over the items the Cruise Ship Blue Hair just took through. Do not argue over your food grade lubricant. Do not even politely note that you have nothing in your stuff to make a bomb out of.
- DO: Do buy beers for anybody in your party that may have had a ticket agent place a mark next to their name. Do check your stuff to be sure the TSA did not take some of your items out of spite.
- DON'T: Do not be the last one on the plane if you have a mark next to your name. You will be searched again and delay the rest of the passengers.
- DO: Do go to the gate immediately if your name is called, especially after everybody else has already boarded.